Yes, here I'm going to finely relate to you, the atrociously annoying rules of social conduct. No, don't scroll away just yet. I'm going to tell you what all you should avoid doing when among a large number of educated social individuals.
1. Do NOT look at your drink all the time.
Or your shoes for that matter, or admire the fine lines on your fingers. It gives others the idea that you're nervous or occupied or troubled, when you just simply don't give a fuck and all you're doing is mentally compiling the "101 ways for the other person to SHUT THE FUCK UP."
2. Don't sleep on the dinner table.
Apparently its insulting to the cook (looks like the host is not at all concerned about your comfort). You could sleep with your eyes open or excuse yourself to the washroom and sleep there.
3. Don't comment about the wallpaint when the other person is talking. The person talking usually takes it to heart when you don't stare at their stupid faces and ooo and aahh from time to time(they think they're important to you if you do that. Poor little delusional people)
4. Don't EVER be sarcastic, funny or even REMOTELY logical. Yes, this is one of the most important points. Normal people do not appreciate interesting, humorous conversation. Just be plain and dry and VOILA!! you're a hit.
5. Last but not the least, Do NOT, in ANY circumstances, excuse yourself from the party(really, that's what people call a highly boring gathering of dim-witted, old, 'apparently sophisticated' people, who think drinking Bourbon on the rocks is THE coolest thing they can ever do). Just leave without being noticed, otherwise the host party shall coax you into spending another meaningless, hellish hour in their company.
So, take my advice, either feign ignorance or pretend you never got the invitation (this will also give an upper hand as you later torture the person for 'not' inviting you when you were so looking forward to it) or pretend that you're too above all these parties and you prefer the kingdom of The Lone Ranger, or simply just chill and hope you don't get invited.
I mean, seriously, who are you kidding you scrawny little loser, nobody is inviting you anywhere. Hurrah!!
1. Do NOT look at your drink all the time.
Or your shoes for that matter, or admire the fine lines on your fingers. It gives others the idea that you're nervous or occupied or troubled, when you just simply don't give a fuck and all you're doing is mentally compiling the "101 ways for the other person to SHUT THE FUCK UP."
2. Don't sleep on the dinner table.
Apparently its insulting to the cook (looks like the host is not at all concerned about your comfort). You could sleep with your eyes open or excuse yourself to the washroom and sleep there.
3. Don't comment about the wallpaint when the other person is talking. The person talking usually takes it to heart when you don't stare at their stupid faces and ooo and aahh from time to time(they think they're important to you if you do that. Poor little delusional people)
4. Don't EVER be sarcastic, funny or even REMOTELY logical. Yes, this is one of the most important points. Normal people do not appreciate interesting, humorous conversation. Just be plain and dry and VOILA!! you're a hit.
5. Last but not the least, Do NOT, in ANY circumstances, excuse yourself from the party(really, that's what people call a highly boring gathering of dim-witted, old, 'apparently sophisticated' people, who think drinking Bourbon on the rocks is THE coolest thing they can ever do). Just leave without being noticed, otherwise the host party shall coax you into spending another meaningless, hellish hour in their company.
So, take my advice, either feign ignorance or pretend you never got the invitation (this will also give an upper hand as you later torture the person for 'not' inviting you when you were so looking forward to it) or pretend that you're too above all these parties and you prefer the kingdom of The Lone Ranger, or simply just chill and hope you don't get invited.
I mean, seriously, who are you kidding you scrawny little loser, nobody is inviting you anywhere. Hurrah!!
